Talent Born Within...Where's Mine?

I saw a video on Facebook today from Steve Harvey - "You Gotta Jump to be Successful" - he spoke of how God endowed each of us with a gift beyond singing, dancing, acting and drawing/painting - That you have to find out what gift you are given (i.e. cutting grass, detailing cars, networking - etc... - I'm talking true passions - things you LOVE to do and make a life out of it.) and it's our gifts that guide us further in life than our educations...  It's our gifts that cause us to soar above everything and push on in life - it's our God given gifts that allow us to LIVE life - far beyond getting up in the morning, going to work and coming home to rinse, wash and repeat day after day.  That we cannot be afraid to jump off that cliff in order to become happy and actually live a life we're destined to live...

At one point I'm sure we've all sat there and wondered - what am I contributing to this world, what am I giving to my quality of life - how am I sharing my gift so that others may enjoy it? The Lord knows I do every day, I wonder about my life - how far I've come or where I have yet to travel and what wonders I'll see. But, to be honest, I am truly a person who rinses, washes and repeats day after day, year after year, decade after decade... The reason I'm sure is because I need that safety net - I need that parachute so I know I won't get the bumps and bruises it takes to grow and reach full potential in life...

But what is truly defined as full potential? Who sets the parameters? Well, I decided to look up potential... this is what I found: 

po-ten-tial -

1. Adjective - having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future (synonyms: possible - likely - prospective - future - probable - latent)
2. Noun - latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness: (synonyms: possibilities - potentiality - prospects - promise)

My problem with this is (a) showing the capacity to become something in the future - well what's this whole growing up thing? When you use this towards gifts/talents then what are you missing out on if you can never seem to really figure out that talent? With this it makes me feel that you don't fully develop into the reason you're born- you die with out purpose.  (b) latent qualities or abilities that MAY develop and lead to FUTURE success...With this are you a failure in life because those qualities or abilities never had a chance to shine?

Now I've done everything I am supposed to do - go to school, get an education (computer forensics) and go to work (retail)- somewhere in there I've traveled, joined the basketball team, joined the college band and choir, volunteered my time to the community, worked with a literary magazine, theater - but above all that where has this magical gift/talent been?

When I was in high school - I was in a creative writing class that taught me about poetry - sure I wrote a few poems - worked on it through college and then poof the talent had disappeared, not from a lack of trying to rekindle it. Now maybe this is where I need to let the safety net go, try some more and write a few crappy verses for me to sharpen my "gift" - however I find myself looking at blank pages and no thoughts come to mind - just a void... So I let this go - figure this isn't my outlet.

While in MS/HS - I joined the basketball team - really wasn't any great at it - didn't work well with a team and found myself dreading each practice and each ounce of sweat on my brow. Realized that I was benched more than I played and I was never the starting line up to the game - only was placed in when the star players were tired. I did what I had to do - so again I let it go. Why, perhaps I was lazy, no drive or just no true passion for sports. Which now I'm older I realize I don't like sports. Sure I love to watch my football on TV, or the summer and winter Olympics but beyond that no care for it.

In college I figured I'd have my time to shine, because that is a time to blossom into true adult hood and find true purpose in life...haha...boy did I have this all wrong.  It proved to me that I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life (even after 5 years of school) - but I did try a few things out and I did have fun with those few things.  I joined theater - granted never acted but I worked the front of the house (tickets/seating/customer service basically) had a really great four years doing this, but I knew I couldn't just rely on this as a passion. Gradually, I got bored with it and stressed out from it. With that I joined band - learned how to play an instrument and perform on stage. Again had fun but not a passion - too much to keep in my head for a hobby of such. It was hard to read music and get timing down right. So again I gave it up. With that I moved into choir. Figured I love to sing - but as my mother told me for years I have no tone - alas I pretty much had to step out of it because I brought down those who had talent.  I tried art classes and they didn't work for me much either. Pretty much by the end of college I could at least say that I tried. Figured eh whatever I'm not talented/gifted and gave up on it.

Now I sit here and I hear people like Steve Harvey talk and it makes me realize that perhaps I gave up too soon. Perhaps I just haven't explored enough yet. Haven't found what makes me tick and truly happy beyond working, talking with my friends, eating fatty foods, and being a wife and homemaker outside my daily rituals.  And I don't really feel any of that is a talent. I feel it's just life. I feel one day I'm going to wake up at 80 years old and realize how much I've wasted doing nothing.

In my family I find it very difficult to understand where my talent lies - my grandmother a wonderful painter, my uncle can draw, my cousins artists (some in theater/painting/drawing and others in just art work). My mother is a writer and was an ice skater... What tree did I fall from that I didn't at least pick up a little talent? Here I am 32 years old and still lost on what God's gift was to me. Did he forget? Sometimes I truly wonder.

I do know each of us struggle on some level with this - maybe not in the forefront of our mind but somewhere in there it bounces around and makes us wonder. Do you feel you're on your path to LIVING life and not just simply existing. I know I'm not. I hope that maybe this will help me realize to move past the fear and just take a chance. But how do you just take a chance when you NEED to be an adult (work, bills, house work, family). Life kind of makes it impossible sometimes.

I've had people tell me - for your dreams/ambitions/hopes - gifts - you make time. Maybe I'm just not willing to make time because I might miss a show, or forget that I have a cookie near by needing to be chomped on... I guess one will never know what I will amount to - and I don't think any of us really know.  I do know this - life goes on and the years do tick by and before we know it - that's it - game over and we've lost our chance.

So here's my question to you? What are you going to do with the time that is given to us?