Well it's been a while since I've posted - but I wanted to share that life can change in time.
We've gone in the past two years to almost losing our home, both cars being broken down at any given time, shut off notices, court notices to be sued due to a credit card issue, no job for myself and a mess of other issues in our life. To this year having my mind blown.
Reason I say this is - about two years ago I took a path of being positive. A path of not letting every little thing in life bring me down, a path of controlling what I allow to effect me in my life. With that path, it allowed clarity - a new inner fire to start burning.
What has that changed - well, 1 year of on time mortgage payments, a new car and payments, credit score increases, no shut off notices, working full time for a job I love, and now savings accounts and plans to begin remolding our home of 10 years.
When people say that it doesn't matter the energy you throw out in life that it doesn't effect your day to day, they're completely wrong. Good things happen to those who believe it will and who work hard for it. I'm not saying it will happen if you believe - you have to believe good things will happen and you have to WORK hard for it to happen.
The bills are only where they are due to hard work and following advice of our elders who've been there and done that. They're being paid because we've prioritized where our money goes for long term satisfaction instead of instant gratification. It's become a game and a challenge to keep it up for so long, but in the end we aren't struggling anymore. Sure, there are lean months but that's because things crop up - it's no longer lean years and worrying where the next meal is coming from.
With that use this as an inspiration to move your life forward and make the difference with in you. Sometimes - in order to give more to the world, you need to make the inner self happy and make sure you feed it. Take care of you first and foremost and the rest of it will follow.
God-Bless and keep smiling.
I can sum up this blog in a simple quote from The Doctor - "I am and always will be - the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. The dreamer of improbable dreams."
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
I'm Hating It
For anyone who has ever said not working is wonderful, I'm flat out calling you out. This post is all about the horror story of not working. I know we all say, "wow it would be wonderful to not have to work every day" and you would most likely be right - however when you're lower middle class it's not as glamourous as one would think. Here's my reasons as to why.
I remember thinking - it's going to be great to be off work during the summer. I can remember how my summer vacations went. So you begin to think about being in High School, seeing your friends, hanging by the pool and just enjoying life. But what we don't remember is our parents funded all this fun. We never had to worry about food, travel or bills. Why? Because it was always taken care of. We had no worries what so ever in our head, except for chores and curfew.
Now, as an adult - I've been out of work for 2 months. Granted, I've had some fun during my 2 months "free" - but, now I'm going crazy. Why? Because those bills our parents so kindly paid for us as we were growing up are piling - now I'm married and have some income within our home BUT its not enough for our basic needs. Now we've cut back on things we've cut corners but in the end you can only cut so much out because we're in a high technology world that internet and cell phones are a must have. Without them you can't find work. To add to this, you still need car repairs, home repairs, groceries and the mile high list of everything else. HELLO BIG PICTURE. Kind of sucks? Right!
Don't get me wrong the first month was nice. I relaxed a bit, through some job applications out there and waited. Meanwhile, I cleaned my house, helped my mom publish her book and promote it, helped get my roommates where they needed to be. I had some fun with my friends and roommates. Occasionally went out to eat, all thinking it shouldn't be too hard to get back within the work force. Boy, was I wrong. (but I'll get there.)
Before hand I was up early for the most part, getting things in my life checked off the list. Now it's more of a chore than anything. I'm giving into desperation, depression and over all mad at my life. Now the only thing that has changed is $1,000.00 of income. I'm told all the time - "well at least you're not alone." I'll give them that but that doesn't make it easier. Because, in my head I hear well it must be nice to be out of work and relax and do the things you want to do because you're married. No, that's not the case. All it makes me do is keep thinking what a failure I am at life because now it's all on my husbands shoulders.
Now, after two months of being home I've cleaned and cleaned and cleaned, I've watched far too much TV and I've applied for at least 100 jobs since I've been out. I've had 2 interviews so far. That's not a lot. Let that number stick with you... 2 interviews per 100 jobs! That's not great odds, including the amount of people who are in my shoes trying to find work. So you add in 100 applicants per job. It's daunting.
So here's the run down of my last 2 months!
1. Deep cleaned my entire house - we're talking walls and floors and every inch of space imaginable.
2. Visited some friends. And in my head I feel like I was a charity case.
3. Applied for 100 jobs so far. And not getting anywhere.
4. Watched TV.
5. Helped my mom publish her book.
6. Slept
Now with in all this I see how my life seems. Not too bad...WRONG!
1. You can only clean so much. Now I say this because eventually there's just no more dust to be found.
2. You visit friends, but without bringing anything, then you eat their food that their hard earned money has bought. So they feel sorry for you BUT they won't say it because they know it would hurt your feelings.
3. Applying for jobs is a full time job- taking up to 10 hours of day between finding the job, writing the resume to fit that job and a cover letter to match. In order to never gain a call back because they found someone far more fit for the job. But they don't tell you why - they just never call.
4. There's only so much TV you can watch before you're like forget this- there's nothing to even watch anymore. Meanwhile you have one season of Supernatural left and the sheer sight of the show makes you sick.
5. the only accomplished thing I can say I've done is help publish my mom's book. But even that is slow going and I feel I've not accomplished as much as I would have hoped through promotions.
6. Slept - I feel like that's all I do because I'm down this rabbit hole of sadness and confusion and boredom.
Now to elaborate, I have reached a point in these last two months of doing all this that I have nothing to offer. Mainly because I have a husband who has no money to do anything he wants to do, all the while smiling and saying he's fine. Deep down screaming to go to a movie that we cannot afford. No matter how well you work the budget. Secondly, I have a car that is down due to a dead battery and really no way to fix it between the bills and life. Thirdly, I have roommates who want to go and do but I can't because I cannot afford the gas in the car let alone the new tires I need and prayer just can't get me through enough.
So in the end I feel like I'm a useless failure that can't get out of bed in the morning. The depression game is deep and hard. But in the end everyone expects miss positivity here to keep smiling because if not then fights ensue. So I sit here screaming into a void that no one can hear. Granted I think they can but they don't care because we all have our own battles.
It doesn't kill me that I'm not working. But it kills me when those who depend on me can't do anything because I'm not working. Most of all it kills me when I see my husband, drained beyond belief go to work to come home to have nothing to look forward to each day, not even a pizza during a Steeler's game because it just can't be spared. It kills me that I can't spare $50.00 that he has made for a DnD book, or spare $25.00 he's made for a DVD he wants. It kills me that he comes home nightly with holes in his clothes because we can't afford out of the money he makes to replace a single pair of jeans. And to top it all off we can't even take a break with the money he makes for a date night that's much needed, or any time alone because we need to be reliant on my roommates for everything that I cannot cover. That ALONE KILLS ME. And if he is reading this I'm sorry.
So when you ask if I'm loving being out of work - that's a huge NO, I'm not because I'm not a contributing member within my home and alone that bugs me. So again I go back to the job boards in hopes to find something that will help but also something that will make me happy since finding jobs out of desperation isn't really wanted.
So no this is not McDonalds and I'm not loving it!
I remember thinking - it's going to be great to be off work during the summer. I can remember how my summer vacations went. So you begin to think about being in High School, seeing your friends, hanging by the pool and just enjoying life. But what we don't remember is our parents funded all this fun. We never had to worry about food, travel or bills. Why? Because it was always taken care of. We had no worries what so ever in our head, except for chores and curfew.
Now, as an adult - I've been out of work for 2 months. Granted, I've had some fun during my 2 months "free" - but, now I'm going crazy. Why? Because those bills our parents so kindly paid for us as we were growing up are piling - now I'm married and have some income within our home BUT its not enough for our basic needs. Now we've cut back on things we've cut corners but in the end you can only cut so much out because we're in a high technology world that internet and cell phones are a must have. Without them you can't find work. To add to this, you still need car repairs, home repairs, groceries and the mile high list of everything else. HELLO BIG PICTURE. Kind of sucks? Right!
Don't get me wrong the first month was nice. I relaxed a bit, through some job applications out there and waited. Meanwhile, I cleaned my house, helped my mom publish her book and promote it, helped get my roommates where they needed to be. I had some fun with my friends and roommates. Occasionally went out to eat, all thinking it shouldn't be too hard to get back within the work force. Boy, was I wrong. (but I'll get there.)
Before hand I was up early for the most part, getting things in my life checked off the list. Now it's more of a chore than anything. I'm giving into desperation, depression and over all mad at my life. Now the only thing that has changed is $1,000.00 of income. I'm told all the time - "well at least you're not alone." I'll give them that but that doesn't make it easier. Because, in my head I hear well it must be nice to be out of work and relax and do the things you want to do because you're married. No, that's not the case. All it makes me do is keep thinking what a failure I am at life because now it's all on my husbands shoulders.
Now, after two months of being home I've cleaned and cleaned and cleaned, I've watched far too much TV and I've applied for at least 100 jobs since I've been out. I've had 2 interviews so far. That's not a lot. Let that number stick with you... 2 interviews per 100 jobs! That's not great odds, including the amount of people who are in my shoes trying to find work. So you add in 100 applicants per job. It's daunting.
So here's the run down of my last 2 months!
1. Deep cleaned my entire house - we're talking walls and floors and every inch of space imaginable.
2. Visited some friends. And in my head I feel like I was a charity case.
3. Applied for 100 jobs so far. And not getting anywhere.
4. Watched TV.
5. Helped my mom publish her book.
6. Slept
Now with in all this I see how my life seems. Not too bad...WRONG!
1. You can only clean so much. Now I say this because eventually there's just no more dust to be found.
2. You visit friends, but without bringing anything, then you eat their food that their hard earned money has bought. So they feel sorry for you BUT they won't say it because they know it would hurt your feelings.
3. Applying for jobs is a full time job- taking up to 10 hours of day between finding the job, writing the resume to fit that job and a cover letter to match. In order to never gain a call back because they found someone far more fit for the job. But they don't tell you why - they just never call.
4. There's only so much TV you can watch before you're like forget this- there's nothing to even watch anymore. Meanwhile you have one season of Supernatural left and the sheer sight of the show makes you sick.
5. the only accomplished thing I can say I've done is help publish my mom's book. But even that is slow going and I feel I've not accomplished as much as I would have hoped through promotions.
6. Slept - I feel like that's all I do because I'm down this rabbit hole of sadness and confusion and boredom.
Now to elaborate, I have reached a point in these last two months of doing all this that I have nothing to offer. Mainly because I have a husband who has no money to do anything he wants to do, all the while smiling and saying he's fine. Deep down screaming to go to a movie that we cannot afford. No matter how well you work the budget. Secondly, I have a car that is down due to a dead battery and really no way to fix it between the bills and life. Thirdly, I have roommates who want to go and do but I can't because I cannot afford the gas in the car let alone the new tires I need and prayer just can't get me through enough.
So in the end I feel like I'm a useless failure that can't get out of bed in the morning. The depression game is deep and hard. But in the end everyone expects miss positivity here to keep smiling because if not then fights ensue. So I sit here screaming into a void that no one can hear. Granted I think they can but they don't care because we all have our own battles.
It doesn't kill me that I'm not working. But it kills me when those who depend on me can't do anything because I'm not working. Most of all it kills me when I see my husband, drained beyond belief go to work to come home to have nothing to look forward to each day, not even a pizza during a Steeler's game because it just can't be spared. It kills me that I can't spare $50.00 that he has made for a DnD book, or spare $25.00 he's made for a DVD he wants. It kills me that he comes home nightly with holes in his clothes because we can't afford out of the money he makes to replace a single pair of jeans. And to top it all off we can't even take a break with the money he makes for a date night that's much needed, or any time alone because we need to be reliant on my roommates for everything that I cannot cover. That ALONE KILLS ME. And if he is reading this I'm sorry.
So when you ask if I'm loving being out of work - that's a huge NO, I'm not because I'm not a contributing member within my home and alone that bugs me. So again I go back to the job boards in hopes to find something that will help but also something that will make me happy since finding jobs out of desperation isn't really wanted.
So no this is not McDonalds and I'm not loving it!
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Elementals: Coming of Age By J.A. Clark Book Review
Elementals: Coming of Age:
This story is about a very strong heroine who has to fight for the love of her career, the love of her family and the love of her life - while all coming to grips with what she's trying to understand what is going on within herself. It takes place on Earth, Space and an off world planet/different plain of existence. This book is a mixture of science fiction, fantasy, and romance and they meshed very well, in my opinion nothing seemed out of place in relation with the other.
There were several main characters that all intermixed extremely well. You have the main heroine, the love interests, the comedian/smart ass, the villain, and the strong father figures (the one who always had your back, and the one who was rough on you when you needed your senses to fall into place.). I personally fell in love with each character. I felt that each of these characters held a special place in my heart and I feel in some ways that I already know these characters. The way the author made me feel about these characters was incredible, when they hurt, I hurt. And when they were happy I was happy. There wasn't a moment in the book that my eyes didn't widen at the character creation.
As in almost every book you read each character comes into their own problems and the way these problems were solved was extremely creative. The way the world was created around their issues was wonderful. I felt as though I was actually there.
I personally loved the book. There were few editing errors within the book but I do not feel they pulled away from the book in any sense. I don't know of any book I've ever read to be 100% error free. I have my favorite parts of the book but I do fear going into any detail as to pull away from the book for those who have yet to read it. I love the strong connection to all the characters of the book and I absolutely love the world the author has created off planet. The only part I hated about the book is the villain - and I will say it's a love/hate relationship. I loved to hate this villain and because of that I wish he would have ceased to exist earlier in the book than he did. I loved how this book kept me turning the pages from the beginning all the way to the end. There wasn't a single part of the book that I read that kept me going "ok how much longer really".
I would recommend this book to book to just about anyone. I will admit, there is a sex scene in the book I wouldn't recommend to young children - although all in all to me it wasn't that bad. We're not talking 50 Shades of Grey sex scenes but I wouldn't put it a tame make-out session like Twilight either. Other than that though there's a little bit of everything in this book for just about everyone - unless you don't like any aspect of reading fiction. If you're a non-fiction fan this book is not for you.
Over all the book was fantastic, I already miss the characters and I cannot wait for a second book to make it's appearance. Again, few errors in spelling but easily overlooked unless you're extremely fussy about those things. But in all honesty pick the book up and have a read. I promise you won't be disappointed.
Please come and purchase the book:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Kindle
Createspace
You can also follow the author
Facebook
Twitter
This story is about a very strong heroine who has to fight for the love of her career, the love of her family and the love of her life - while all coming to grips with what she's trying to understand what is going on within herself. It takes place on Earth, Space and an off world planet/different plain of existence. This book is a mixture of science fiction, fantasy, and romance and they meshed very well, in my opinion nothing seemed out of place in relation with the other.
There were several main characters that all intermixed extremely well. You have the main heroine, the love interests, the comedian/smart ass, the villain, and the strong father figures (the one who always had your back, and the one who was rough on you when you needed your senses to fall into place.). I personally fell in love with each character. I felt that each of these characters held a special place in my heart and I feel in some ways that I already know these characters. The way the author made me feel about these characters was incredible, when they hurt, I hurt. And when they were happy I was happy. There wasn't a moment in the book that my eyes didn't widen at the character creation.
As in almost every book you read each character comes into their own problems and the way these problems were solved was extremely creative. The way the world was created around their issues was wonderful. I felt as though I was actually there.
I personally loved the book. There were few editing errors within the book but I do not feel they pulled away from the book in any sense. I don't know of any book I've ever read to be 100% error free. I have my favorite parts of the book but I do fear going into any detail as to pull away from the book for those who have yet to read it. I love the strong connection to all the characters of the book and I absolutely love the world the author has created off planet. The only part I hated about the book is the villain - and I will say it's a love/hate relationship. I loved to hate this villain and because of that I wish he would have ceased to exist earlier in the book than he did. I loved how this book kept me turning the pages from the beginning all the way to the end. There wasn't a single part of the book that I read that kept me going "ok how much longer really".
I would recommend this book to book to just about anyone. I will admit, there is a sex scene in the book I wouldn't recommend to young children - although all in all to me it wasn't that bad. We're not talking 50 Shades of Grey sex scenes but I wouldn't put it a tame make-out session like Twilight either. Other than that though there's a little bit of everything in this book for just about everyone - unless you don't like any aspect of reading fiction. If you're a non-fiction fan this book is not for you.
Over all the book was fantastic, I already miss the characters and I cannot wait for a second book to make it's appearance. Again, few errors in spelling but easily overlooked unless you're extremely fussy about those things. But in all honesty pick the book up and have a read. I promise you won't be disappointed.
Please come and purchase the book:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Kindle
Createspace
You can also follow the author
Saturday, July 29, 2017
It's been awhile. . .. Big News
Hey folks... man it's been a while I know.... but I'm here ... huge news....
So my mom has created with blood, sweat and tears a book of her own creation...from her dreams and a true dream to become an author.... well this dream of hers has come to pass... I present to you a book like no other I've ever had the opportunity to read.
I ask that you follow the link to purchase this wonderful book entitled "Elementals: Coming of Age" If you're anything like me who loves to read just about anything ... this is for you completely.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1548865761/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Description of the book:
"Excitement consumes Catharine Steele as she follows in her father's footsteps, becoming the youngest space flight commander in history of the military. She hugs her father tightly before boarding the monorail heading to her first command. She is ignoring the unexplainable dark shadows out the corner of her eye that started the morning of her twenty-fifth birthday. After boarding she meets young commander Andrew Westlake and strong feelings for him stir deep within her. That night terrifying nightmares of warning began. She had no idea she was destined to meet another man whose love she would deny. At the young age of twenty-five she would change the course of her life and the lives of others." ~J. A. Clark
So far it has a 5 star review and the reviews are to die for. Please check this out. Usually I don't try to sell anything on my blog... but with a title to my blog like The Dreamer of Improbable Dreams...this is right up there with a dream as big as it gets.
Leave me some reviews...let me know what made you purchase the book and why you love / hate it. Thanks everyone.
So my mom has created with blood, sweat and tears a book of her own creation...from her dreams and a true dream to become an author.... well this dream of hers has come to pass... I present to you a book like no other I've ever had the opportunity to read.
I ask that you follow the link to purchase this wonderful book entitled "Elementals: Coming of Age" If you're anything like me who loves to read just about anything ... this is for you completely.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1548865761/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Description of the book:
"Excitement consumes Catharine Steele as she follows in her father's footsteps, becoming the youngest space flight commander in history of the military. She hugs her father tightly before boarding the monorail heading to her first command. She is ignoring the unexplainable dark shadows out the corner of her eye that started the morning of her twenty-fifth birthday. After boarding she meets young commander Andrew Westlake and strong feelings for him stir deep within her. That night terrifying nightmares of warning began. She had no idea she was destined to meet another man whose love she would deny. At the young age of twenty-five she would change the course of her life and the lives of others." ~J. A. Clark
So far it has a 5 star review and the reviews are to die for. Please check this out. Usually I don't try to sell anything on my blog... but with a title to my blog like The Dreamer of Improbable Dreams...this is right up there with a dream as big as it gets.
Leave me some reviews...let me know what made you purchase the book and why you love / hate it. Thanks everyone.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Writers Block?
I'm not sure why I haven't posted on here in a while. I was going pretty good and then life happened. Perhaps it was life or maybe the fact that there's too much going on in this world that I don't even have the words to express how I feel.
I say this because with the election and their political agenda, the media and their racist agenda and just over all mess of a world we live in - I feel there's nothing that I can say here to make any sense of our world as I see it or not be flagged because of my personal opinion.
I promise though - when I figure it out I'll be back. Hang in there my fans - I'm not done yet by any means. Just waving a little hello to see if anyone is still reading and checking in.
I say this because with the election and their political agenda, the media and their racist agenda and just over all mess of a world we live in - I feel there's nothing that I can say here to make any sense of our world as I see it or not be flagged because of my personal opinion.
I promise though - when I figure it out I'll be back. Hang in there my fans - I'm not done yet by any means. Just waving a little hello to see if anyone is still reading and checking in.
Friday, February 12, 2016
GET SERVICE SAVING SOUL CHALLENGE
I was looking for this video weeks ago, alas I have found it. So I'm going to leave this here just to make us all think. Have a great Friday!
Disclaimer: I do not own any clips or music. All clips and music belong to their respectful owners. I do not earn any money with this video. This video is for enjoyment purposes only.
Thanks for watching. Please Subscribe
Thanks for watching. Please Subscribe
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Struggle with Internal Definition of Identity
I was asked to give ten characteristics of myself by a friend, and at first I wasn't sure...like I wasn't sure if there was a right answer...of course there is a right answer as long as you're true with yourself.
If I were to ask that question to a number of you could you honestly give me ten characteristics of your self. Not what you hope to be but WHAT you currently are?
It's not an easy task because we tend to sway to what others think we should be. To fit into some specific spot in this world.
I know currently how I few myself now if that is the same well I will let you define.
1. Kind
2. Caring
3. Dreamer
4. Geek/nerd
5. Passionate
6. Curious
7. Hard working
8. Dedicated
9. Faltering
10. Optimistic
Now that didn't seem to difficult. I believe I'm being truly honest with myself. I struggled with this which in itself makes me feel I'm still discovering myself on some deeper level. If I were asked this question 4 months ago or even 10 years ago I would have failure in that mix. Which I'm sure one day I will dive into. I know some people still judge me for these qualities and I don't understand that, but that is a battle I feel maybe understandable.
People change throughout life and I feel that this should be an ever changing growth honestly. You won't know me from a year ago, let alone ten years ago.
I think if someone had posed this question to me ten years ago I would have maybe told people that I was:
1. Ambitious
2. Always right
3. Entitled
4. Know it all
5. Self Assured
6. Caring
7. Kind
8. Negative
9. Worry-wart
10. Anger
I remember I was filled with negativity, drama, hatred for some, laziness, and a few other not so good qualities - so I see how some judge who I am currently. I hear the words that you can't just change...I dare ask why can't you?
I used to be the girl who would throw a fit to do chores, didn't really want to go to school and through college skipped my share of classes. And I've lost my fair share of jobs and walked out on a few too. Although, I believe I've changed through these last few years. My priorities have shifted. So that should show that things can indeed change with your inner self.
So my challenge to you is to really look in a mirror and ask yourself WHO YOU ARE! What makes you so important and special. What do you like and what don't you? If you find things that you don't like try and improve on that - change it. It may not happen overnight but it can happen. Change can take years so be patient and just work with it. Some will help guide you and others may hold you back - the trick is to tell yourself that you're doing this for you because in the end - you only have to live with you deep down inside.
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